orders aid
What does help?
Helping is an art. Like any other art implies a capability that can acquire and exercise. It is also necessary to identify with those seeking help, the outlook is therefore what is and what, at the same time, goes further, to something larger. Helping to offset
We humans are dependent on others. Only then can we develop. At the same time we are also prepared to help others. Who does not need to others who can not help, it becomes lonely and sad. Is therefore not only help others but also ourselves. The help is generally reciprocal, Coamo, for example between the partners. Is governed by the need for compensation. Who has received from others what they need and want, want give something and then compensate for the aid. Often the ability to compensate for returning are limited, such as to parents. What they gave us is too big to be offset by giving our time. So the only thing we have to do is accept what is given to us and express the gratitude that comes from the heart. The compensation, giving in turn, and the consequent liberation is possible in this case only transmitting to others, such as children, what we have received.
Give and take place therefore at two levels. Peer is maintained on the same level and requires reciprocity. In the other case, between parents and children or between superiors and needy, There is a difference. Give and take is thus a flow that carries forward what he has in himself. This way of giving and taking is greater. It takes account of what comes next. This type of aid increases the importance of the gift. He who helps you drag and tied into something bigger, richer and lasting. This way of help requires that we first received and accepted. Only then will we feel the need and strength to help others, especially when such aid requires a huge effort. At the same time, it assumes that those who wish to help we need and wish to receive what we can give. Otherwise our help end in emptiness. It divides rather than unites.
Give and take place therefore at two levels. Peer is maintained on the same level and requires reciprocity. In the other case, between parents and children or between superiors and needy, There is a difference. Give and take is thus a flow that carries forward what he has in himself. This way of giving and taking is greater. It takes account of what comes next. This type of aid increases the importance of the gift. He who helps you drag and tied into something bigger, richer and lasting. This way of help requires that we first received and accepted. Only then will we feel the need and strength to help others, especially when such aid requires a huge effort. At the same time, it assumes that those who wish to help we need and wish to receive what we can give. Otherwise our help end in emptiness. It divides rather than unites.
First order assisting
The first order is therefore assisting in giving only what you have and in appearance and accept only what you need. The first assisting disorder begins when we give what we have and take what we need. Or when we expect and demand that the other can not give us because it does not. But even when we give something to another because of excluding something that may or must bear alone. Give and take, therefore, have limitations. Recognize and respect these limits is part of the art for assisting. This is a humble way to help. Often waiver of help meet the expectations and pain. What you should expect from those who help themselves and by those who seek help from family constellations we are shown. This humility and surrender this contradicts many traditional views about the right way to help and often expose the facilitator to accusations and attacks.
In order for assisting
serves as an aid to survival and the other part of the development and growth. Survival, development and growth are tied to specific conditions, both inner and outer. Many external conditions are predefined and can not be changed, such as an inherited disease or the consequences of certain events or a fault of their own or others. If the aid does not take into account the external conditions, is bound to fail.
This applies even more to the interior conditions. These include the specific personal task, the entanglement in the fate of other family members that love blind, under the influence of consciousness, is linked to magical thinking. I explained the practical implications of this in my book Orders of Love (New Techniques, 2007) chapter "The love is sick love that heals: the Heaven and Earth." For many facilitators the fate of others may seem hard to bear and want to change it. However, often, not because the other person needs or desires, but because they are not able to bear. If however you let the other help, it does not need to, but to help the facilitator. In this way, help take turns in giving aid and acceptance. The second order is therefore assisting in the submission to the circumstances and intervene only to the extent that they allow. This aid is discreet, has strength. In this case, the disorder is to deny assisting the circumstances instead of looking in the eye with those who need help. Wanting to help opposing circumstances weakens the facilitator is that he who expects help, or one that is offered or even imposed help. The image of primal
This applies even more to the interior conditions. These include the specific personal task, the entanglement in the fate of other family members that love blind, under the influence of consciousness, is linked to magical thinking. I explained the practical implications of this in my book Orders of Love (New Techniques, 2007) chapter "The love is sick love that heals: the Heaven and Earth." For many facilitators the fate of others may seem hard to bear and want to change it. However, often, not because the other person needs or desires, but because they are not able to bear. If however you let the other help, it does not need to, but to help the facilitator. In this way, help take turns in giving aid and acceptance. The second order is therefore assisting in the submission to the circumstances and intervene only to the extent that they allow. This aid is discreet, has strength. In this case, the disorder is to deny assisting the circumstances instead of looking in the eye with those who need help. Wanting to help opposing circumstances weakens the facilitator is that he who expects help, or one that is offered or even imposed help. The image of primal
assisting
It is primordial for assisting the relationship between parents and children, particularly between mother and son. Parents give the children take. The parents are large, upper and rich, the children are young, poor and needy. Since parents and children are linked by a deep love, give and take between them can be almost unlimited. Children can expect almost anything from their parents. Parents are almost ready to give everything to their children. In the relationship between parents and children the expectations of children and the willingness of parents to satisfy them are necessary and then justified. However it is only until the children are small. Over time, the parents draw the limits against which the children can be confronted and mature. Parents are less affectionate towards their children? Parents would be better if not raised certain limits? Or they are good parents because they expect something from the children that prepares them to become adults? Many children are angry with their parents because they would have preferred to keep the original addiction. The whole street is just stepping back and disappoint the expectations that parents help their children to get rid of addiction and to act, step by step, under its responsibility. Only then will the children take their place in the adult world and are transformed by those who take in those who give. Third order
assisting
Many facilitators, for example in the field of psychotherapy and social, believe they must help those who ask how do parents with their children. Likewise, many people who need help they expect to be helped like the parents and children, to get back to what we still expect and demand from parents. What happens if the facilitators meet these expectations? There shall be a lasting relationship. Where does that report? The facilitators are in the same position of the parents that they have taken place through this kind of help. Step by step must set limits to those who seek help and let them down. They often develop facilitators towards the same feelings they felt for the parents first. In this way, the eyes of customers, the facilitators, who have replaced their parents and maybe even pretend to be better parents, they become like their parents. Many facilitators are trapped in the transference and countertransference between child and parents and make it difficult to leave the patient by both parents to them. At the same time a relationship between children based on the transference egenitori also prevents personal development and maturation of the facilitator. I explain through an example. If a young man marries an older woman, many think he is looking for a replacement for the mother. And what do you look for? A father substitute. The same applies in reverse. When an older man marries a young woman, many think that this is looking for a father. And he? Search for a replacement for the mother. So, strange as it may seem, a person who maintains a long position of superiority or even tries to keep it, refuses to take his place on a par with other adults. However, there are situations where it is appropriate that the facilitator assumes the role of parents for a limited time, for example when you need to complete a movement approach stopped *. In contrast to the transference between children and parents, in this case, the facilitator is the true parents and not take the their place as a mother or father better. For this reason, customers do not have to part with them. The facilitator it away from him and takes him to his parents. In this way, both are free. This model allows for the acceptance of real parents to him that helps to avoid leaving the transference between children and parents. If they meet in their hearts the parents of clients, if they are in harmony with these parents and their destiny, to facilitate customers also meet their parents. They can no longer escape their parents. The same applies if the facilitators have to do with children. If facilitators are limited to represent the parents, customers are relieved to them. The facilitators do not take the place of parents. The third order of love thus stipulates that the facilitator is raised as an adult in front of an adult who seeks help. In this way it rejects attempts to relegate the role of parent. That this is considered hard and criticism is understandable. Paradoxically, this "hardness" is often criticized as a presumption even though, looking more closely, in the case of a transfer between parents and children, the facilitator is much more confident. Assisting the disorder is to allow an adult to bring a claim against the facilitator as those of a child to his parents and when the facilitator is the client as a child and subtracts something that can and must endure alone. It is the acceptance of the third order of help that best differentiates the method of family constellations, and work with the movements of the soul from traditional psychotherapy.
* If a young child was unable to join his father or mother, even if they had really wanted and needed, for example in the case of a patient treatment in hospital, his desire is transformed into sadness, despair and anger . Then the child withdraws from the parents and in the future from other people, although in reality it needs. The consequences of a movement of rapprochement interrupted can be overcome if the original movement is resumed and can be completed. In this case, the facilitator is the mother or father and then the customer can complete the movement of rapprochement interrupted as the child at the time. Fourth order
assisting
Under the influence of classical psychotherapy help those who often face the customer as an isolated individual. Again run the risk of creating a transfer between parents and children. However, the individual is part of a family. Only perceiving it as a family member, the facilitator is aware of who the customer needs and towards those in debt. He really feels that he needs help only when he sees with his parents and ancestors, and maybe even with your partner and ifigli. In this way he realizes the family who needs his help and his respect and to whom the customer has to contact to understand what steps to take. Then the facilitator must not put herself in such a way as personal as systemic. Should not establish a personal relationship with the customer. This is the fourth tier of help. In this case, the disorder is assisting in disregard or disregarding other important people who hold the key to the solution. This includes in particular the members of the family excluded, eg for reasons of shame. Again there is a risk that a systemic way to identify himself is judged hard by customers, especially by those who make claims against childhood facilitators. Those who look for a solution in an adult perceives the systemic approach as a liberation and a source of strength. Fifth order
assisting
The method of family constellations together what was divided. In this sense it is the service of reconciliation, especially with parents. It is hampered by the distinction between good and evil often made by those who help under the influence of public consciousness and harnessed within this consciousness. For example, when a customer complains of their parents, their conditions of life of its own destiny and the facilitator ago this view, is at the service of conflict and separation, not reconciliation. Assisting in the service of reconciliation is possible only if the facilitator gives a place in his soul to what the customer complains. In this way, the facilitator made in one's soul what the client has yet to accomplish. The fifth order is thus assisting the love to all, as they are, they may be different from us. In this way, the facilitator opens his heart. Become part of the other. What is reconciled in his heart also reconciles the customer's system. In this case, the disorder is assisting the court towards others, which is usually a sentence and is linked to the moralistic outrage. Who really helps, does not judge.
Perception special
To act under the orders of help, you need a special perception. What I said on orders of help should not be applied rigidly and methodical. Whoever tries to think instead of feel. Reflects and refers to past experiences rather than expose themselves to the situation and be able to understand the essentials. This kind of perception is therefore targeted at the same time detached. This type of perception can move towards a person without expecting anything specific, except to understand it internally and determine the next step. This perception derives from the recollection. In it you leave the discussion, the objectives, the differences and fears. We are open to something that moves us from within. Who tried to surrender to the movement of the soul in the role of representative during the performance of a family constellation and felt guided to absolutely amazing, you know what I'm talking about. I feel anything that leads to precise movement, images and inner voices and unusual sensations, beyond its usual way of thinking. The drive from the outside and at the same time, from within. Perceive and act the same. This kind of perception is therefore less receptive and descriptive, but more productive. Leads to action and because it gets deeper. The period in which you are able to help on the basis of this perception is generally short. Is restricted to the shows the next step, soon disappears quickly and leaves us to our freedom. This is a help in that moment. We meet, give advice, but then everyone goes their own way. This kind of perception and recognizing when to help when it is unsafe when hinders rather than help, when you need to alleviate their suffering more than the other. And is humble.
